I’m a Working Girl Now but Not In That Way.

Every time I get back on here I think to myself “Ah man.  I TOTES forgot about this place.”

Remember the last post where I said how excited I am that changes are happening and life is great and I looooOOOve that I am graduating? Do you recall that?  Go ahead, take a look back in the archives(won’t take long because it was the last post) and then come back to me here.

Wasn’t that cute?  I was such a doll way back when in May of 2014.  Now, however, I am an angry, tired, and constantly hungry working woman.  Since I have entered the full-time workforce of America, I have discovered so much about myself.

Like does anyone else feel as if 7 hours of sleep is NOT ENOUGH?  Or the realization that 90 percent of the week is spent WORKING(when I came to that conclusion I had a serious brain hemorrhage right in front of a Walgreens employee).  I barely get to spend time with Adam and when I do, we aren’t even conversing.  We are watching an episode of OITNB(do NOT spoil it for me people – we just got into the 2nd season) and mowing down some delish stir fry that he made.  I also spend my weekend attempting to sleep but failing miserably because my sleep-deprived body likes to laugh at my brain and just never sleep when it is supposed to.

My job is to drive around all day and talk to random people.  Which isn’t terrible and I genuinely do enjoy my job(or at least I will once I get better at it).  However I do have quite a bit of time to myself so I have many thoughts running through my head.  Here are some of the recurring themes that I think about often.  I will give you the gist of them because I could probably delve deeply into each one and just lose everyone in my train of thought(which I think I already did with this RIDICULOUSLY long intro).

1. I totally understand every. single. middle-aged person that is schwasted at a Jimmy Buffet concert.

Like, I totally sympathize as to why someone who is normally dignified would rather spend a Saturday falling over drunk and degrading themselves in public by wearing a hot dog costume or coconut bras and downing gummy worm shots after a long work week than endure another baseball game that their kid will probably be benched in.  Personally, I just worked a 45 hour week and nothing sounds better than wearing a hula skirt and rolling down the Alpine Valley hill while Jimmy Buffet sings “Cheeseburger in paradise.”

jimmy buffet

Drinking like this was semi-appropriate because we were 23. Not 53, where it may not be appropriate but a lot more understandable.

2.  How do people do this alone?

I have no idea how I would ever survive without Adam.  I’m serious.  Yeah, that could mean emotionally.  He is my soulmate, the love of my life, blah blah blah, yadda yadda.  But what I really mean is how I would live and breathe without Adam making sure that I am living and breathing.

He is my alarm clock. He makes me breakfast. He makes the coffee. He cleans the cat box. He does the dishes. He cleans the bathroom. He charges my computer. He charges my phone. He re-wakes me up because I fell back asleep. He makes me a lunch for work. He makes me a smoothie. He asks if I finished my paperwork for my job. And this is all before 7:15 a.m. when he has to get his own ass to school. ‘Cause ya know, physical therapy school is a cake walk and he should easily be able to take care of a cat, a wife and study for 12 hours a day. I’m kidding.  After this morning routine I always thank my lucky stars that I have someone because I wonder if I would ever eat breakfast or dinner and how much I would spend on Starbucks runs if it weren’t for Adam.  I wish I could say that Toulouse was as thankful for Adam because someone actually cleans up his feces and remembers to feed him but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a crap.  Yep, I just asked him and he stared at me as if he didn’t even know who I was or how I got into his house.

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“FEED ME”

3. How do people do this when they have kids??

Like, real LIFE kids.  Yes, I may be sad that my cuddling seshes with kitten have been cut down to once, maybe twice a week and rather than daily conversations about my hopes and dreams with my husband they have turned into discussions about car payments and whether the milk is still good(who am I kidding….we can’t keep milk in the house for more than 24 hours. He drinks that stuff like it’s his job).  But people do this with KIDS.  The extent of my responsibilities outside of work are taking a scooper full of cat food, emptying the said cat food into a dish and returning the dish to the cat food box.  THAT’S IT.  And I typically don’t even fulfill that responsibility because I have a perfectly good housewife named Adam who does that all for me.  I don’t have to worry about soccer game times and field trips and baby sitters.  And “oh yeah, did I feed my kids today?”  I. can’t. handle.

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I would allow my children to do this everyday because I wouldn’t be there to stop them or I would be too tired to even care.

 

4. I understand the phrase “I need a drink” now more than ever.

As soon as I start my drive home, I immediately think two things. “I’m hungry” and “I’m not sure if we have wine or not.”  Feel free to interchange wine with “beer” depending on what day of the week it is.

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I don’t care if it is a Tuesday. Momma needs a drink.

I hope I get used to this schedule change in life.  I have, however, noticed good things.  Like that I am now a bruncher(for the simple fact that there’s this thing called “bottomless mimosas”) on Sundays and that I enjoy going to the market on Saturdays for free cheese samples fresh flowers.

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